AlphaBeta.com - Contacting a Girl Through a Dating Site

Contacting a Girl Through a Dating Site

The lessons in this article could prove to be very crucial to your chances of successful online dating. On a dating site, as a guy, you will most often have to be the aggressor. The first contact that you make with them is super critical to your chances for success. Most women on dating sites have their inbox filled with messages from desperate guys every single day. They don’t have to actively look for guys; guys come to them. Therefore it is super important that you stand out amongst the countless guys that email them helpless bullshit every day.

Before I get into practical techniques, I want to stress the importance of taking the time to actually email the girl. What I mean by this is that there are many dating sites that will allow you to “wink” at a girl. You might be tempted to "wink" because you want to save time or are too afraid of rejection, but don't. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who have told me they immediately delete winks no matter how good looking the guy is. If a guy can’t take a couple minutes to show moderate interest by writing an email, they want nothing to do with him. So don’t just wink at them. The best thing you can do is to wink after you send an email. That might be better than just an email alone.

Now let's talk about a good first-contact email. Online dating is like a buffet. With as many girls as there are on online dating sites, you want to play the numbers. Throw out your net for as many of them as you can. This will only increase your chances of getting a response simply due to the sheer volume of messages you send out. But "Gabriel", you say, "it takes forever to write 30 different girls on these stupid dating sites!" Oh my young hunters of online prey, I have the answer for you………cut and paste! Simply create one good master email that you can cut and paste to every single girl you are interested in. The key is to make your master email good enough to generate a response from most girls. There are four major components to a great first contact email; humor, complements, sincere interest, and individuality. You need to show them that you are a funny guy, give them a complement, show that you are sincerely interested by reading their profile, and also do something that makes you stand out from the rest of the emails that they are getting.

The actual email you send out will have to be written by you, but here is an example of one I have used in the past. The major components of the email are discussed in red:

[random girl you're trying to nail],

I hate risking the thought of sounding like a tool like the masses of other guys that get on here and say “uh….you’re hot”, but I have to tell you that you are absolutely beautiful…..stunning actually. (Here you have complemented them differently than most guys do and even came right out and told them as much. You have also complemented them in a very nice and sincere way. I like to use the word stunning because it is a very powerful and sexy word). I have to admit, you caught my attention at first because you are easy on the eyes, but I was pleasantly surprised with what I read in your profile. From what I read it appears that your personality is just as attractive as your looks. (This doubles as another complement and shows that you actually read their profile even though you didn't. If you really want to do it right and want to spend time on them, copy-paste a short portion of their profile and list it in your email as the one thing that really stood out to you. This will definitely indicate sincere interest). Well I'll cut this short for now, but I would really like to get to know you further. Check out my profile to see if you'd like to continue. If you read it and want to blow me off, then simply fill out the official blow off form on triplicate carbon paper, have it notarized, mail one copy to me, keep one for yourself, and mail the other to your state senator. It might just be easier to write me back! ;) (That shows individuality by saying something they've certainly never read and it also shows off your sense of humor) Seriously though, I hope to talk to you soon, have a great day. [your name]

When coming up with your own first contact email, make sure to include the four major components. Another thing you might consider is linking them to your MySpace page. It gives them a chance to see a little more of your personality. However, if you do that, make sure you have a kickass MySpace page with good pictures or you’ll just hurt your chances.

Another sneaky little approach that I have used in the past is to write them and say that you emailed them a few weeks ago, but never received a response. Tell them you just had to give it another try because it's rare to find such a great profile attached to someone so stunning. This will almost always get a response in one way or another which is just an open door for further conversation. They’ll almost always tell you that they never got your first email. If they ask if you’re sure that you emailed them, tell them that you don’t email very many girls because you are very picky but you know for sure that you emailed her. One thing women look for in men is persistence. Granted we're faking persistence in this instance, but it will still be appealing to them that you bothered to get back on the horse after they "never responded to your first email".

That’s the basics of your first contact. Remember the four major components of a first contact email and you’ll have increased chances for success. Throw out a big net, but make it look like you’re fishing with a single line. Watch as your stable grows quietly and quickly.

Go forth young masters of your online domain.

GABRIEL

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