Well my friend, this may not be what you want to hear, but I will put it to you straight.  Usually people are who they are, and they act the way they do because that is who they are.  Very rarely do people change from who they actually are at their core. That is their true self coming out in their actions.  If she is that clingy now and the drama is at an unbearable level now, prepare for that to be the case as long as she is breathing mother nature’s sweet oxygen.  It’s more than likely not going to change; it's just her.  You need to take a good long look to see if that is something that you will be able to tolerate in a partner, and if not……..get out.  It may be hard to get out now, but imagine how much harder it will be after another few years are invested in the relationship.

If you absolutely can’t fathom the idea of ending the relationship, then as cliché’ as it sounds…..communication is the key.  You need to be big boys and girls, sit down, and get it out on the table.  Tell her in a big boy way that these are your concerns and it is driving you away.  The thought of losing you just may whip her into shape.  Make sure you let her know that her fears are unwarranted. There is no need for concern. She is the only woman you have eyes for and she needs to scale back the insecurity or she will in fact lose you from it.

If she is the only one for you, then as a good partner, you need to do your part to occasionally reassure her and make it known that there is nothing to worry about. A well placed call or text message will go miles.  Just be careful that you’re ending up having to call every hour on the hour to avoid the emotional breakdown or clinginess. She needs to meet in the middle as well.  Communicate and talk like adults; don’t let the conversation get escalated into an argument as all communication immediately quits as soon as the volume gets turned up.  If this doesn’t work, and she is still being clingy and emotional at levels that are unacceptable, either be ready to deal with it for life or move on. You’ll thank me that you did.

GABRIEL

Well just because you enter into the relationship with the lower hand doesn’t mean that you will stay there.  You need to do whatever it takes to get the hook set for the opportunity to turn the tables.  If you think you can get your foot in the door by stepping up your efforts and doing the nice guy efforts, then go for it.  If there is a lot of competition for her attention, then do whatever you need to do to get her focus turned to you over the other prospects.

It’s ok if she calls the shots at first and has the upper hand. Once you are her prime focus and the hook is set, then we can turn around the power and put you on top.  But ultimately you need to get your foot in the door by any means necessary, we’ll take the next steps to turn it around once you’re there. 

GABRIEL

It looks like you either know the ways of the woman fairly well, or you have been taking my advice.  You are very smart in wanting to win over the friend and to worry that she can kill your relationship for you…….because they can.  Her friends were there long before you, and they’ll be there long after you. It is very key that you have the approval of her friends and family.

You need to find out what her reasons are for not liking you.  No one likes or dislikes someone or something for absolutely no reason at all. There has to be something that formulated those opinions.  There IS a reason or reasons that she doesn’t like you; you need to find out what it is.

 I don’t say, I love vanilla ice cream, I don’t know why, I have no reason to, I’ve never tasted it, don’t know anything about it, but I just love it anyway.  No, you love it for the taste, for the texture, for how it makes you feel, something……..but you have reasons.

Either find out from your girlfriend by prying until you get the answers or just go straight to the source. Either way you have to find out the root causes.  You’ll be amazed at how adult people act when faced with adult situations.  If you have her alone, and very civilly say to her, “Sara (or whatever her name is), I am pretty sure that you don’t care for me too much, I want to change that and I don’t know why that is,  but I would like to know what I can do to make things better.”

You’ll be amazed at the response.  Very often they’ll come right out with it and give you all the ammo you need to win them over.  If they tell you what it is, ok, fix it, don’t do what they hate, apologize for it and don’t let them see it again.  If they give you the, “what are you talking about?  I like you”, and you know it’s bullshit…….keep trying, it’s in there, get it out. 

Say, “there aren’t even a couple things about me you’re not crazy about?”  Keep it up until you get to the root cause of the problems, then rectify them, and work on befriending them by going out of your way to be their friend.  Don’t only be their friend when you are around your partner. Be their friend with or without the relationship. It will make your life that much easier.

You need your girlfriend's friends. Don’t turn your partner against them or badmouth them. Get her friends on your side; there is no other way.  Good luck, be persistent.

GABRIEL